A joke for our friends in Chicago!

chicago bears joke

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing missing was a good quarterback  He scouted and scouted but couldn’t find a quarterback who could give the Bears a shot at a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching the news he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank.  In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm.  He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself.  “He has the perfect arm!” 

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.  And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old woman says.  “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mom,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No!  Let me tell you!”  his mother retorts.  “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.  The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.  Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,……….”I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

The young man is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old woman says.  “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mom,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No!  Let me tell you!”  his mother retorts.  “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.  The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.  Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!”

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,……….”I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

NO MORE DONKEYS

democrat condom get screwed
democrat condom get screwed

The NEW Democratic Symbol – no more donkey.

The Democratic Party today announced that it is changing its symbol from the Donkey to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the Party’s political stance. 

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed !

Damn, it just doesn’t get more on point than that!

CORRUPT: New York Governor Cuomo Unilaterally Declares Parolees Can Vote

On Wednesday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo decided to unilaterally allow parolees in New York State to vote in elections. The legislature had voted down such a measure just a few weeks ago. Speaking at Al Sharpton’s National Action Network conference in New York City, Cuomo stated, “In this state, when you’re released from prison and you’re on parole, you still don’t have the right to vote. Now how can that be? You did your time. You paid your debt. You’re released, but you still don’t have a right to vote.”

The executive order suddenly allows 36,000 additional voters, presumably all of whom will pull the lever for Cuomo. More than half of those voters live within New York City, The New York Post reports.

Now, this is rather convenient. What would we think of a foreign dictator who, in order to shore up his electoral prospects, simply declared that a class of people who had not been made eligible to vote by the legislature could vote — and oust those members of the legislature? We’d think that pretty corrupt. This sort of activity also lends credence to Republican complaints about Democratic views of illegal immigration — namely, many Republicans believe that Democrats are in favor of more illegal immigration because once in power, Democrats will simply legalize those immigrants for purposes of changing voting demographics.

It’s also rather obvious that Cuomo is making this move in order to placate his left wing base, which has been increasingly enchanted with former “Sex and the City” star Cynthia Nixon. Cuomo doesn’t face a serious threat from Nixon, but he can’t afford to lose his base to an enthusiastic outsider, the way Hillary Clinton did to Bernie Sanders.

In any case, this is foolish policy. The idea of parole is that we do not fully trust you to participate in civic life — if we did, you wouldn’t be on parole. The natural effect of removing the penalties of lawbreaking while on parole would be to increase jail sentences in order to keep those we don’t trust from voting. The whole point of parole is that it’s a trial period for re-entering society on the fullest level.

But when there’s political hay to be made, don’t look to politicians for decent or moral policy.

A special letter!

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated the words.

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith’ in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies.’ Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith, 
Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away. Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I’m easy to find. I am wherever there is love. 

Love, God

Baltimore is finally FREE AT LAST!

baltimore free at last mayor removes confederate statues

Baltimore Is Now ‘FREE AT LAST’ as Mayor Removes Confederate Statues! Praise needs to be given to the Mayor of Baltimore.

For years the Black community has been under assault by 4 Confederate Monuments. These monuments were relentless in their destruction of the Black family as over 70% of Black children were born out of wedlock.

So terrified by the presence of these monuments, over 60% of Black men in the city could not work a job and found comfort in fathering numerous children with numerous women that they could not feed.

Just knowing that the monuments were there made Black school children have the lowest test scores in the Nation and many turned to drugs to relieve the sting of the monuments presence.

Worst of all, the mere presence of the monuments caused death. Not being able to handle the hate and violence that the monuments represented, the Black males in the city took to killing each other by the thousands.

Just in the last 2 years they have murdered 500 of their own.

Praise be to God and the Wisdom of the Mayor. It is a new dawn for Black Baltimoreans! The shackles have been removed and all that can be said is, Free at last, free at last, Lord God Almighty, we’re free at last”

Nice going, California Legislature!

california legislature fail stupid laws

The California Legislative Year Closed on Friday. All the Representatives went home exhausted and the damage was done. So what did they accomplish during this high pressure year in Sacramento?

This is an update today on the progressive Democrats’ continued destruction of California. The ones who would not endorse Dianne Feinstein, because she is not sufficiently Socialist extreme.

By the way, we are already deemed the worst state for businesses. Here are some of the highlights of this session:

* Passed Cap-n-Trade Tax which will increase gas $0.63 to $0.93 cents a gallon change and the taxes that go with it. So do the math projection….. (0.12 + 0.63 = 075/gallon + current $3.10/gallon = $3.85/gallon)

* Proposed increase on a new tax every residence will pay for tap water!

* A $3.46B parks bond to pay for parks in “disadvantaged communities”. The debt service alone will be over $200 million a year. The good news is some money goes to help fix the Salton Sea which should have always been a State responsibility!

* Law to release any lifer (murder, rape , child molestation, etc.) who is 60 years old and has already spent 25 years in prison! Charles Manson would have qualified if he just waited a few months before dying; and the Melendez brothers that murdered their parents could be released in about 12 years? Victims?… What victims?

* A new $ 50 charge on all residents living in a mobile home parks to address “living condition enforcement” in those parks? What the hell does that mean? As if having to live in a mobile home park isn’t bad enough? Regressive tax on the poor?

* We picked an official dinosaur for the State of California. Really???

* Requires Tesla to either unionize with the United Auto Workers Union, or forfeit State incentives to buy their electric cars! Maybe political blackmail doesn’t count as breaking any law. Unions are loving it. “Watch out solar companies… They may be coming after you next!!!”

* Reduce from a felony to a misdemeanor the purposeful intent to transmit the AIDS virus to a unknowing partner

* Give preferential treatment to prisoners convicted of serious crimes that are less than 25 years old because their brains are not mature enough to understand right from wrong. Whaaat?

* A bill to require our true sex be omitted from drivers licenses? Whaaat?

* Free legal services for illegal immigrants… Of course!

* Establish safe “injection zones” run by government to oversee people injecting heroin!

Yep, it all passed! You may consider forwarding this so that ALL Californians can be proud of their elected officials.

The MAGIC Green Hat…

US border patrol hat

Visiting in South Western USA, I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick after all. It cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here’s the hat:

It also works at Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours.

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

It might also cut your wait time at the grocery store.

But…don’t try it at McDonald’s…
The whole crew ran out the back door and I never did get my order!

Free Home Security! Provided by the government!

free home security joke

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can’t pat me down. If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today!

It’s a Big Club and You Ain’t in it.

ABC CBS

Conspiracy? No, it’s right out there in the open. All you have to do is look at it.

IF YOU HAD A HUNCH THE NEWS SYSTEM WAS SOMEWHAT RIGGED AND YOU COULDN’T PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT, THIS MIGHT HELP YOU SOLVE THE PUZZLE.

ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, National Security Adviser.

CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications.

ABC News correspondent Claire Shipman is married to former Whitehouse Press Secretary Jay Carney.

ABC News and Univision reporter Matthew Jaffe is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary.

ABC President Ben Sherwood is the brother of Obama’s Special Adviser Elizabeth Sherwood.

CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary Tom Nides.

And now you know why it is no surprise the media usually goes very easy on Obama’s many errors.

Ya think there might be a little bias in the news?

Ya Think?

Lemon Picker

Looking for a good job in Florida???  

Lemon Picker, Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”  

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said, “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, I voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.”

She started work this morning!  

Bad News about Grandpa!

An elderly man had a massive stroke and the family drove him to the emergency room.

After a while the ER doctor appears wearing a long face.

“I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”

“Oh, Dear God,” cried his wife, “We’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”

You won’t believe this!!!

illegal immigration

The official number of illegal aliens in the state of California is nearly 3 million. We can estimate the number to be more than double this amount in reality.

Over half of all drivers license issued in California were given to individuals who are here illegally and the state automatically registers those with a driver’s license to vote.

In 2015, California Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) signed a bill giving full voting rights to illegal aliens. This gives them the right to vote in all elections from a local level to national elections, including that of choosing who will become President.

The biggest problem with this is it is against Federal law for non-citizens to vote in any national election. This in itself negates the votes made by illegal aliens in California and any other state which allows them to vote.

ER workers on gang violence: ‘We’re in a war zone, too’

emergency room we're in a war zone too

When two women were shot standing outside Chicago’s Mount Sinai Hospital the other night — waiting for news of a relative who’d himself been shot earlier — a witness asked a Tribune reporter: “What kind of city do we live in?”

The next day the hospital was locked down because of a virtual riot in the lobby.

Chicago is heading toward a mayoral election year so City Hall insists that crime is down. But ER workers — the nurses and doctors who deal with threats and angry families and friends of gang members — know different.

It’s only May. The violence is ramping up.

“We see so much sadness, we work with good people, our Sinai family, and we have many patients who are, well, patient,” a Mount Sinai nurse told me. “But there’s the other side. Every night nurses are verbally abused, physically threatened, spit on. It’s a constant barrage. It can get scary. They say, ˜I’ll get you after work.’

“And this shooting that happened just the other night outside the hospital? It happened right where I get picked up after work,” the nurse said. “It’s the law of averages. It’s a roll of the dice with gangs out of control. That’s my life, man.”

As Chicago is again forced to confront the facts of a depleted police force and the gang wars heating up, I put out the question on social media: What about the hospital workers?

“Mount Sinai is the worst because the ER is right off the street,” said a Chicago paramedic. “You’ve got the families angry when their kid is killed, they’re angry, pushing, some threaten the health care workers. It’s insane man. There’s so much anger out there. It’s chaos.”

I’m not identifying those I interviewed by name. I wanted them to speak freely, without a corporate suit in the room to intimidate them while taking notes.

But I also spoke with Jeff Solheim, president of the Emergency Nurses Association, which represents 43,000 ER nurses internationally.

Solheim was in Washington on Tuesday pushing for legislation that would require hospitals to report workplace violence and determine security protocols. He said studies show that most if not all ER nurses have been subject to some kind of verbal or physical abuse, from being spat on to being seriously injured.

“Look what happened in Chicago,” Solheim said. “We need a safe environment for us and our patients. People shouldn’t have to fear for their lives when they go to work.”

From the Chicago Tribune

REPORT: Obama Admin Used Taxpayer Money To Fund Soros’ Far-Left Foreign Political Activities

The Obama administration gave millions of dollars from U.S. taxpayers to a far-left group run by billionaire George Soros that used the money in Europe to push for “highly controversial judicial reform,” according to a conservative watchdog group.

This week, Judicial Watch released a new report after it obtained dozens of records from the Department of Justice (DOJ) as a result of a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit against the U.S. State Department and the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID). Judicial Watch reports:

The new documents show USAID funds were funneled through that agency’s Civil Society Project to back Soros’s left-wing Open Society Foundations in Albania, particularly the Soros operation efforts to give the socialist government greater control of the judiciary. USAID reportedly gave $9 million in 2016 to the “Justice for All” campaign, which is overseen by Soros’s “East West Management Institute.”

Fox News notes that the “Justice for All” campaign was “designed to strengthen the effectiveness and transparency of the courts in Albania.” However, Judicial Watch says that the funds were used by the “Soros operation efforts to give the socialist government greater control of the judiciary.”

Judicial Watch adds that a group of U.S. senators sent a letter to then-Secretary of State Rex Tillerson asking for an investigation into allegations that the U.S. funded Soros’ foreign activities with U.S. taxpayer dollars.

“The Obama administration quietly spent at least $9 million in U.S. taxpayers’ dollars in direct collusion with left-wing billionaire George Soros’ backing of a socialist government in Albania,” Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton said.

“It is particularly outrageous that the State Department allowed the Soros operation to help direct taxpayer funds to other groups. George Soros is a billionaire and he shouldn’t be receiving taxpayer support to advance his radical left agenda to undermine freedom here at home and abroad.”

Bernie Sanders and the Dems.

In all her years in congress Elizabeth Warren introduced 110 bills.  2 passed.

Cory Booker introduced 120 bills.  0 passed. 

Kamala Harris introduced 54 bills. 0 passed. 

Bernie Sanders is truly special. He never held a job until he was finally elected mayor at age 53.He lived off of welfare and four different women, had a child out-of-wedlock with one and the three marriages did not work out. 

In all his years in the Senate, he introduced 364 bills. 3 passed. Two of those were to name post offices. 

If you want to know what kind of leader Bernie is, Go to Wikipedia, it’s a long report.

The following is condensed:  Bernie Sanders’ father was a high school drop-out, who tormented his family with rants about their financial problems.He blamed society and economic inequality for his plight, though as a white male in a middle class neighborhood, he was hardly among the down trodden.  

This was Bernie’s inspiration to take up the cause of economic justice, though he would spend half of his life as an able-bodied college graduate living off of unemployment checks, and the women in his life, between odd jobs.By his own admission, Bernie was not a great student, starting at Brooklyn College and transferring to Univ. of Chicago, but his enrollment kept him protected from the draft.  

He joined socialist organizations and dabbled in far-left communist politics, gaining national notoriety by petitioning the school to let students have sex in the dormitories. This was before birth control and abortion were legal, when there were still very serious repercussions for women if the condom broke, but that didn’t stop him from crusading against those silly rules that were an obstacle to his own satisfaction.

He participated in the 1963 March on Washington, a few demonstrations, and was arrested once, but his activism for civil rights ended when he became obsessed with socialism.  NOT “democratic socialism”, but oppressive far-left Marxism.  

Bernie married his college sweetheart, Deborah Shilling, and spent his small inheritance on a summer home in Vermont on 85 acres. The shack had a dirt floor and no electricity, maintaining his proletariat credibility, but not impressing his new bride. He refused to get a steady job, so his wife didn’t stick around long, divorced after 18 months.  

The Vietnam war was escalating, and when the next draft was announced, Bernie applied for a conscientious objector deferment.His deferment was denied, so he dodged the draft by having a kid out of wedlock in 1969 with his new girlfriend, Susan Mott, even though he STILL wasn’t working, and had no way to support the child.  By the time his draft number came up, he was too old to be drafted anyway.

He continued to subsist on odd carpentry jobs and unemployment checks, and occasionally selling $15 articles, including the one about how women fantasize about gang rape  He still refused to get a steady job to support his child. His girlfriend left him.

In 1988 he married Jane Driscoll, and took a cold-war era honeymoon in communist USSR. His new wife supported Bernie financially through his many attempts to win a public office, and shared his radical leftist political views. They visited the pro-Soviet Sandinista Government in Nicaragua known for their human rights violations, support for anti-American terrorists, and the imprisonment and exile of opponents. 

Bernie blindly overlooked the carnage to stand with fellow socialists. They traveled to Cuba in hopes of meeting Bernie’s hero Fidel Castro, but access to him was denied.  Bernie Sanders managed not to hold a full-time job his entire life or vote in a single election, until he finally ran for Mayor of Burlington at the age of 40.After several failed elections, he finally won the office of Mayor of Burlington, VT, and eventually a Senate seat, which he has managed to keep off and on.

For all of his years representing Vermont, Bernie Sanders passed a total of three bills, and two of them were for naming post offices. He’s a draft-dodging deadbeat dad, a globe-trotting communist dilettante, and a petulant detractor of hard-working honorable Democrats.

His one skill is yelling about how unfair the world is, and how everything SHOULD be. But he has no plans for how to make it happen, and no idea what goes on in the rest of the world or how to deal with problems overseas.His excuse for not having a foreign policy or national security plank on his platform: “I’ve only been campaigning for three months.”  

His socialist friends are bitter about what they see as a betrayal of their values by Bernie’s pursuit of the Democratic nomination.His former wife and girlfriend run when they see reporters and will not speak to the press. Bernie’s past, including a brief stint living in a kibbutz in Israel is cloaked in secrecy. (It worked for B Hussein Obama.)

Former employees and coworkers describe him as hostile and belligerent. All of the Democrats in Vermont’s government endorsed Hillary Clinton. The people who know Bernie best cannot stand him.  His supporters cannot explain how he is qualified to be president. As for his detractors, we can only watch in horror as this Nader 2.0 works an appalling act of sabotage on the Democratic Party.

Bernie Sanders was born in September 1941. 

Victoria’s Secret???

A husband walks into ‘Victoria’s Secret’ to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price – the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on but I’ll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good grief, you’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

Donations in lieu of Flowers to the National Association for Retarded Husbands (NARH)

Judge Kavanaugh…VERY short…

Judge Kavanaugh obama

Judge Kavanaugh comes clean about his high school and college years: 

“I spent the last two years of high school in a daze, locking away the questions that life seemed insistent on imposing. I kept playing basketball, attended classes sparingly, drank beer heavily, and tried drugs enthusiastically. Discovered that it didn’t make any difference if you smoked reefer in the white class mates sparkling new van, or in the dorm room with some brother you’d met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl.”  

Just kidding folks. Those are NOT Judge Kavanaugh’s words. The words are from former president Obama’s book describing his high school and college days. Just wondering…do you think there might be a double standard?

Walmart vs. Morons

Walmart

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of every day

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world’s largest private employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years

8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9 Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at Wal-Mart stores. (Earth’s population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.

(more…)