The two things that should start every American’s day

funny christian t-shirt all i need is a little coffee and a lot of jesus

Show everyone that you love coffee and Jesus by rocking this funny coffee lover Christian T-shirt.

funny christian t-shirt all i need is a little coffee and a lot of jesus

The world’s greatest gun cleaning mat

patriotic gun cleaning mat 2nd amendment

LARGE PROTECTIVE SURFACE: 11″x17″ Pistol cleaning mat helps protect your kitchen table, work bench, shooting table or desk. Perfect accessory for gun cleaning or mouse pad.

PREMIUM MATERIALS: Stitched border, black polyester top with waterproofing coating, white heat transfer printing prevents smearing, and non-slip natural tree rubber backing. Perfect for gunsmith or hobbyist

EXCLUSIVE: Distressed US flag with Text of 2nd Amendment – Exclusive URB design!

patriotic gun cleaning mat 2nd amendment

Free Home Security! Provided by the government!

free home security joke

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can’t pat me down. If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today!